Vultures

I’ve been looking at a lot of vultures lately. I love me some vultures. They’re very honest, unlike the “majestic” eagle who basically behaves exactly the same. We’re on to you, eagles. Acting all high and mighty. We see you eating roadkill. Vultures are all like, “Yeah, we eat roadkill. It’s what we do.” But eagles are all like, “Feh! Roadkill? Lord Eagle has far too much dignity to befoul Lord Eagle’s sacred feathers and beak with blahblahblah.”

Okay, all of that was pointless. I just like vultures. I’ve been collecting vulture images from the interwebs. I thought I might as well share one I did a long time ago.

I think I’ll be reprising this one in the near future. You’ll be the first to know, comrade.

FREE E-book Day!

Beginning right NOW (Saturday, January 29, 2012), we’re giving away Chuggie & the Desecration of Stagwater on Amazon. This giveaway will end at the end of the day, so don’t delay. With Chuggie in your Kindle and Desecration in your heart, you’ll be well-prepared for the next Chuggie adventure.

What’s the next Chuggie adventure, you ask? Great question. Thanks for asking. All I can say is it is scheduled for release in September, 2012. And that’s ALL I can say about it. Oh, and I can mention it’s going to be wild. And I can also mention there’s going to be brutes, babes, and blood by the boatload. Crap, did I just give too much away?

Go getcher free e-book!

Not a Rant on Creativity

Depending on how you word things, you can twist anything to mean just about anything else, a fact enjoyed by girlfriends, wives, and mistresses since time began. Watch as I masterfully take something of little consequence from this morning and make it sound like a rant on creativity:

It’s 4am, and I awake with a burning inside my head that cannot be ignored. My eyes flash open and stare at the darkness. My mind races, analyzes, attempts to solve. The fire inside my head has me on my feet. I’ve forgotten about my warm bed. It can offer me no comfort in such a state as this.

The burning in my head will not go away, even hours later as the sun begins to rise. With pen, paper, and coffee, I go about my work. I analyze, I research, I attempt to solve. It’s not for money. It’s not for fame. I do it because I have to. I do it because if I don’t, I won’t be able to sleep at night. And the others like me, they alone truly understand.

Ha! See what I did there? No, you don’t. I’m too enigmatic. Okay, maybe you DO and I’m NOT. I can accept that, but only if it’s true. Because you might THINK you know what it’s really about, but I estimate your chances of knowing are about 1 in 138.25. That is legitimately obtained mathematical figure.

Where’s my coffee? Oh. I drank it. Time to make another one. TO THE KEURIG! I wonder how many coffees I can wack down before Keri wakes up. No, I don’t. The number is 5. I can get 5 coffees into my belly before Keri wakes up. Unless that’s her moving now. Shh… No, she’s still asleep. IT’S A RACE AGAINST TIME! I’m not sure, but I could be bored. Here’s a picture of a fantasy creature I made up the other day:

 It’s called a Winged Diamondback Uni-Rattle Cobra. It’s part unicorn, rattlesnake, and cobra. It has wings and gills.
Other specs:
-Herbivore, eats carrots and bugs
-Winged
-Can drive
-17 feet long
-9 pounds
-Amphibious, with both lungs and gills
-Don’t take no guff
-The sound of its rattle is poisonous
-All members of this species are left-handed

Winged Diamondback Uni-Rattle Cobra fan fiction is welcome. Also, as I read my little ranty thing above, I think you’ll guess I have a cold. That’s not even close, but nice try.

Chuggie Audio Sample

There is now a sample of Chuggie and the Desecration of Stagwater posted over at Omnium Gatherum. Click here to listen.

I think you’ll enjoy it.

Also, I’m working on a collaborator. We have a few stories that we’d like to hammer out together, and many more after that. I’ve encouraged him to quit his job so we can do a marathon writing session where we say “No Guinness until these goals are met.” We also discussed the logistics of such a writing session, and it isn’t too far-fetched. Don’t worry, you’ll know as soon as I’m able to report developments in this collaboration.

Chuggie Portrait

Chuggie recently posed for a drawing, so i sketched him up. I guess it’s a decent likeness. Chuggie said my first three attempts made him “look like a suitcase full ‘o cat necks,” whatever that means. Hopefully, I can get him to sit down to be sketched again soon.

I apologize, he refuses to be photographed. His exact words were:

“Y’know those damn things [cameras] shoot invisible poison arrows in yer brain. That’s how Smashy Gambles died. Smashy was one o’ these guys who always had to have the new toy, y’see. And he’d lord it over ya like a trophy or some damn thing. Poison arrows, poison arrows. Guy gets his brain stabbed up like a… That damn Smashy Gambles! Sonuvabitch stole thirteen bottles of Fireship from me back in Eastember Lowtown! I hope he died moanin’ in the mud. Nah, that’s a lil’ harsh for Smashy. ‘Sides, mighta been me stole the booze from him. Either way, whenever I see-”

He finished by mumbling incomprehensibly and snapping his attention to something out the window. He quickly got up, staggered to the door, and left without closing it behind him. I’m not positive he fully understood what a camera does, but Chuggie seems to have kicked mine under the couch when I wasn’t looking.