J.O. Kelley & J.O. Kelley

Posted on May 7, 2012 by admin

Jordy Otto Kelley was born on April 12, 2012 at 2:14pm. This was a great surprise to Keri and me, as he wasn’t due until May 17th. We didn’t have a birth plan. We didn’t have a bag packed. We did not, in fact, even have a list of things we’d want in our hospital bag. Let’s not forget Jordy’s room. The remodel was still in the ideation phase, and the room was full of all the things we’d been storing in there – the very same things we thought we had over a month to clear out before we started ripping off paneling and putting up drywall.

The Doctor said, “By the way you’re walking I can tell you aren’t in labor, but I’ll examine you anyway. Oh, you ARE in labor, and you’re going to be parents by the end of the day. Lastly, the baby is wrong-way-up, so you’re going to be parents within the hour.”

Smack. WAAAHHHH!

I wrote this on my son’s birthday:

“Yesterday morning I went behind the garage and saw a bald eagle. We watched each other for a few minutes, neither speaking. I walked slowly and softly, closer and closer, until I got about 20 feet from him. Then he took flight. He flapped through the trees, and I could hear his wings brushing the branches as he curved North.

Today was sunny and warm. Few clouds, slight breeze. Very unexpectedly, Jordy Otto Kelley announced his intention of being born. At 2:14pm, he took his first breath. I watched as his skin went from a creamy whitish color to a warm pink. He cried and did other newborn things. I held his little hand and cut the umbilical cord. The Brewers lost to the Cubs, 8-0. Tonight, off in the West, Venus is high and Jupiter is low. They’re bright with approval.

Tomorrow is Friday the 13th.”

While Jordy and Keri were in the hospital, I told him constantly, “Y’mind yer paw.” And he did. He minded his ol’ Paw like a good boy.

Keri’s grandfather was named Otto. My Grandpa Kelley was named Jonathan Otto, and he went by “J.O.”. Sadly, my Grandpa Kelley isn’t with us anymore. The Kelley Family is glad to have another J.O. running around, and I look forward to all the Grandpa Kelley stories that will be told at this year’s reunion. Here’s a photo from a few years back of great-grandparents J.O. and Wilma Kelley:

I can’t wait for Jordy to meet his Great-Grandma Kelley, preferably prior to the Kelley Reunion. I imagine she gets double Jordy-holding time, at least. (We love you, Grandma!)

Also, look at Grandpa Kelley’s eyes! He’s definitely up to something, and I’m glad to have those very same eyes on the front of my own skull. I hope Jordy has them, too, and I’ll let you know as soon as I can tell for sure. C.V. Hunt said my eyes were “haunting” when she painted my “Spidertaur” portrait. I got Kelley eyes.

Lastly, I want to address the Month of Fury. I was doing very well – banging out words by the page-load. Right around the 12th of April, I got a little sidetracked. Chuggie #2 is still a go, and I hope to get another Month of Fury underway just as soon as things settle back down over here. The outline is in place, and I know you’s gonna LOVE Chuggie’s next adventure. Oh, it’s gonna be dark and funny and lighthearted and saucy and mischievous and wild and sick and silly and gory and gruesome and CHOCK FULL OF COLORFUL PROFANITY.

That’s all for now, Comrades. I’ll be back soon with nursery pics, new author interviews, and videos of Mo and JP being the buddiest buddies ever!

 

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Chet Zar, My Nemesis

Posted on April 2, 2012 by admin

I suppose calling artist Chet Zar my “nemesis” is a bit of an overstatement. He recently told his Facebook fans that they could challenge him to a game of Words With Friends. I challenged him. At the time of this posting, it’s a true David versus Goliath battle. Last night he hammered me with a 147 point word. I’m starting to feel this game slipping away from me…

I’ve been a fan of Chet’s art for a long time. His work is wonderfully dark. Inhuman figures convey a range of emotion that’s not simply limited to horror. Monstrous contemplation, contentment, rage, mischief, etc. Since I started writing, Chet’s imagery has always inspired my stories. Someday I’d love to commission him to do a series based on Chuggie, the Steel Jacks, and the rest of the gang. The art says more than I could, so here are some examples of Mr. Zar’s work.

Chet Zar’s father James Zar is another artist you should be following. Wild stuff, and definitely another inspiration for Chuggie’s world. Example:

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A Month of Fury? (get to da choppa!)

Posted on March 27, 2012 by admin

I’ve been quiet. I haven’t been hunting witches so I can’t give away their fingers and eyes to you, my loyal fans and/or accidental readers. They’re out there, and believe me, they’re DARING me to go out after them. And I will, but I can’t right now. Hey, it doesn’t mean I don’t care. I totally care. Want some proof? Fine, here’s a Wordle that I made (on Wordle.net) for Chuggie and the Desecration of Stagwater:

There. Now we all feel better about this.

What’s happening is I’m going to be scarce for the next month or so. Going to the mattresses, you might say. Baby plans, home remodeling plans, work plans, and… CHUGGIE plans. I don’t want to say too much. Hell, I don’t even want to say that I don’t want to say too much. If I start talking about it at all, I just know I’m going to blurt a spoiler. CHUGGIE MURDERS SANTA CLAUS AND IN DOING SO SINKS THE TITANIC. Great, see what you made me do there? Not cool. CHUGGIE IS REALLY ELVIS. Well, I can tell that I should wrap this post up before something CHUGGIE MARRIES FABEN EVEN THOUGH SHE’S A BOOK AND THEIR CHILDREN ARE ALL TRAPPER KEEPERS important falls out of my mouth/typing finger. Whoa… I feel a big one coming on… THE NEXT CHUGGIE BOOK WILL BE RELEASED ON [Edit: Mr. Kelley is in no way authorized to announce publication dates of any novels, especially ones he has not yet written.] WHICH IS A WEDNESDAY.

I think I need to declare April to be a Month of Fury. What’s a Month of Fury? I got the idea from Requiem For a Dream. You have to watch close. The Month of Fury is not significant to the plot. Anyway, what it means is that I will be trying my best to stay away from my known distractions and keeping my nose to the grindstone. There are several projects that are coming due at the end of April, and I’ll have to stay in work mode all month to CHUGGIE SEWS HIS OWN EYES SHUT THEN ATTEMPTS TO LOBOTOMIZE FIVE ORPHANS get them all done.

Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to put Predator on the TV and get some work done. I ain’t got time to bleed.

Posted in Witches, Writing | Leave a comment

Fortune: Lost and Found

Posted on March 7, 2012 by admin

Omnium Gatherum, the folks who published Chuggie, have announced a brand new anthology. It’s called Fortune: Lost and Found.

Yes, I am planning to submit to this anthology. I wish I could tell you what I have cooking, but that’s just not possible right now. Sorry, folks. I mean, it IS possible, it just isn’t very likely. Like time travel or learning the guitar.

“Capital, cash, gold, lucre — money makes the world go round. But fortunes easily gained are often painfully lost. Since the very first king pressed his face onto the very first coin no single thing has led so many to ruin. Fortune, it seems, has a dark side and a wickedly evil sense of humor. Curses, plagues and misfortunes rain down on those who dare to tip the scales in their own favor. Fortunes, Lost and Found edited by L.S. Murphy and Kate Jonez is a collection of tales about  money and wealth and the potentially horrifying consequences of gaining or losing it. Stories of cursed Pharaoh’s tombs, haunted pirate ships, rare and valuable trinkets found in forgotten places are examples of the type of story we’d like to see. But acquiring a fortune, much like making a deal with the devil, is tricky business often with unexpected consequences. Surprise us with your stories.”
 

In other news, I have been tinkering with some music. Calling it music is a stretch. A better description would be “ambient horror,” kind of along the lines of Lustmord, if you’re familiar. Wanna listen to it? Listen to it right here. I made it for writing. I’m sure I’ll make more, each spookier than the last. It’s okay if you want to put this song on loop and take a nap.

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Andy Kehoe – Arts

Posted on March 2, 2012 by admin

Here’s some artwork from a fellow named Andy Kehoe. Go to his site and see more.

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Inspirational Art – Yang Xueguo

Posted on March 2, 2012 by admin

I just discovered this artist named Yang Xueguo. I saw one image, and I knew this cat was broadcasting on my frequency. Here’s some:

Here’s a link to Google Images.

I have a folder on my computer chock full of these kinds of things. It’s all there to inspire things for the next book, tentatively titled Chuggie and the Bleeding Gateways of Glughu.

And I’m always looking for more twisted things, so feel free to share, comrades!

Posted in Art, Writing | 2 Comments

C.V. Hunt Interview

Posted on February 22, 2012 by admin

C.V. Hunt is a horror author, artist, book reviewer, and all around swell gal. Her first book, Endlessly, and the sequel, Legacy, are for sale now. The third installment, Phantom, will be available 2/29/2012. She was kind enough to answer some questions for me, and here they be:

 

BMK: Firstly, what would you like to say about Endlessly, Legacy, and Phantom for those of us who have yet to read the series?

C.V. Hunt: The basics of the Endlessly series are rooted in reincarnation. People are born with souls that aren’t human, and if the human figures what their soul is, they can shape shift into that identity, such as a: werewolf, troll, fairy, gargoyle, dragon, elf, alien, mermaid, etc. There are other species like demons, angels, zombies and vampires. But I always have to warn the readers, my vampires kill humans without discrimination, and they don’t feel bad about it either. Only a few of the characters are kind, and almost everyone carries a big gun. Think Hellboy meets Underworld… or something like that.

 

BMK: Well, I’m pretty sure I need to check that out. Watching your site these last few months, you’re always reviewing something new. You must read like a bajillion words a minute. How do you find the time?

CVH: It’s usually rare for me to sit and read for long periods of time. For the most part it’s a chapter here and there throughout the day, and somehow it adds up. Reading is an addiction for me. If I don’t have a book in my hand I go through withdrawal. It’s not a pretty sight.

 

BMK: When you read all those different books, how much or little do you let them influence your writing?

CVH: If I’m writing about zombies, I’ll try not to read anything with zombies in it. I don’t want someone else’s story to influence my own. But sometimes I read about a trait someone has attached to a horror character, and I think, this would be awesome on a mermaid. I feel that every book I read tends to inspire me to keep my characters different from the norm.

 

BMK: If you got blasted with a space ray and got all kinds of powers, what sort of powers would you get? Also, hero or villain? Also, what would you call yourself?

CVH: My greatest power would be invisibility, and I would definitely be a villain. I’d spend most of my time messing with people. You know, tripping them, or making people think their house was haunted by moving things through the air. I would be referred to as “The Great Nothing”.

 

BMK: If an alien fleet showed up in Earth’s orbit tomorrow, do you think they’d exterminate us, make us their pets, or something else?

CVH: I’d think they were trying to find a White Castle, and if we gave them bad directions, we would become the sliders.

 

BMK: What is your biggest time drain?

CVH: The evil internet. It’s my greatest weapon when it comes to research, but then I get sidetracked by social networking sites, or news articles. Sometimes I wonder if I have A.D.D. Oh look! Some celebrity I’ve never heard of is back in rehab….

 

BMK: I miss boomboxes… What do you miss from years past?

CVH: I miss the anonymity of the time before caller ID. Back when no one had a cell phone, and you were king turd on the crap pile if you had a pager. Prank calls just aren’t what they used to be.

 

BMK: What’s your favorite Harrison Ford character?

CVH: Han Solo, but I haven’t seen Cowboys and Aliens yet, so I can’t say that with 100% certainty.

 

BMK: What are your ideal writing conditions? Does music play a part?

CVH: I’m a night person. Any time after midnight is the best time for me, and music is a huge part of my writing. I build playlists based on the feeling I want to portray in the story, and every book has its own theme song.

 

BMK: Many, many years from now, after I’ve passed away, I would like people to be able to summon me. Like Candyman or Biggie Smalls. I think a person sitting alone by a campfire at midnight should be able to close their eyes, say my name eleven times, and have me appear. How will the children of the future summon C.V. Hunt?

CVH: Someone would have to have two mirrors, so that they could stare at the back of their own head. As they look at the back of their head, they will have to say, “Scary Carrie”, ten times in a single breath. Then I’ll bust out of the mirror they are holding in front of their face.

-

Thanks, C.V.!

Follow C.V. Hunt on Twitter and Facebook. Folks can also read her kickass review of Chuggie and the Desecration of Stagwater right here.

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Witch Fingers and…

Posted on February 9, 2012 by admin

The other morning I stepped outside with Mo and JP so they could do their morning business. I nearly rolled my ankle when I stepped on this odd stone egg:

I swore a little and flung the stupid thing into the woods. I thought nothing of it as I went about my day. The next morning it was back. I flung it into the woods again. Every morning since, I’ve been getting up, taking the dogs out, and flinging the stone egg as far as I can into the trees.

Yesterday I came to the understanding that it had to be the work of the witches who dwell in the forest out back. Some kind of message. So last night I went looking for them. I found one of the wicked crones as she prepared to feast on a kitten. I was able to rescue the kitten and, since it had a collar with little tags on it, I returned it to some very grateful owners.

As for the witch… Well, she’ll have a very hard time stealing kittens now. I got two of her fingers and both her eyes. They, of course, turned to wood before I even got back to my house.

Not only did I come home with TWO witch fingers, I also got TWO witch eyes! So I figured I’d give TWO lucky winners an eye and a finger, both. That’s right. The winners are… Ben and Angela!

In the future, there will be two ways to win witch fingers and witch eyes. You can like my author page on Facebook, or you can subscribe to this site. If you do both, you double your chances of winning your very own witch finger and/or witch eye. Guaranteed not to be cursed!*

More witch fingers will be given away soon. How soon? Next week soon.

*Brent Michael Kelley and www.brentmichaelkelley.com are not liable for any items that become cursed in transit.
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Word Search Puzzle!

Posted on February 3, 2012 by admin

Last night a group of letters came to me in a dream. They told me to memorize the sequence, that if I didn’t they’d come back with their “friends”. I memorized the letters. When I awoke, I wrote them down. I counted them, and there were 196. 14 rows of 14 letters. I saw words hidden there, so I hunted them all down.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you…
Chuggie and the Desecration of Stagwater:
the Word Search Puzzle!

Here’s a PDF of the puzzle. I might post the answer key soon. MIGHT.

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Vultures

Posted on January 31, 2012 by admin

I’ve been looking at a lot of vultures lately. I love me some vultures. They’re very honest, unlike the “majestic” eagle who basically behaves exactly the same. We’re on to you, eagles. Acting all high and mighty. We see you eating roadkill. Vultures are all like, “Yeah, we eat roadkill. It’s what we do.” But eagles are all like, “Feh! Roadkill? Lord Eagle has far too much dignity to befoul Lord Eagle’s sacred feathers and beak with blahblahblah.”

Okay, all of that was pointless. I just like vultures. I’ve been collecting vulture images from the interwebs. I thought I might as well share one I did a long time ago.

I think I’ll be reprising this one in the near future. You’ll be the first to know, comrade.

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