One Week To Chuggie

Greetings, Amigos! As you may or may not know, Chuggie and the Prisoner Gods will be released one week from today. That’s Thursday, October 2nd. It’s not only the birthday of Groucho Marx and Bud Gaugh, it’s also the birthday of my cousin Tim Bays, to whom this book is dedicated. Let’s have a look at the cover:



Strange winds have blown Norchug Mot Losiat, better known as Chuggie, to a world called Glughu. It is a realm of blood and bone where tar pumps like blood, where blood pours like wine, and where wine flows like booze. With the injured blade cultist Fey Voletta at his side – as well as a painted woman named Araza – Chuggie crosses a tar-filled wilderness to reach the city of An Croi. It’s a city filled with fanatical killers in the service of a bloodthirsty master who has conquered and imprisoned the old gods. A secret battle threatens to draw Chuggie in, but all our drunken hero wants is to get home to Mag Mell. The only way home is through a bleeding gateway, and to open one Chuggie will have to pay a heavy toll. Will Chuggie get home in time to prevent a war? What will he have to do to get there? How will he carry all that booze?

Wow, that was an amazing synopsis. I don’t know about you, but I sure can’t wait to read it! I should mention that there’s art inside this book. WONDERFUL art by a fellow named David Starr. Here, have a taste of illustration:



That’s Squip. Squip is a character in the book who you will totally root for. And you’ll be able to root for her soon indeed. October 2nd, chum. Mark it on your calendar. Stay tuned for giveaways and such coming up next week.

Posted in Art, Chuggie Rules, Puppet shows, Writing | Leave a comment

Release of Chuggie and the Prisoner Gods

NOTICE: Chuggie and the Prisoner Gods has a scheduled release date of October 2, 2014. More on the significance of this date coming soon.

Also coming soon: the Book Cover!

Here’s a picture of some people in a tube.



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Some Stuff While You Wait

Update: Chuggie and the Prisoner Gods is being edited as we speak. Well, as YOU speak. Me, I’m editing.

While you wait for big announcements and such, here are some fancy pictures I took recently:

Here’s a fire I had a week or so ago. I see a fire skull in there.

flameskullAnd here’s a frog that was with me at the fire:

20140712_233615 Here are some baby birds who have been plotting to kill me:20140716_083632 Here’s a deer that came up and watched me use the table saw the other day. 20140716_132333

Here’s the sky or something:


Not good enough? How about THESE!

20140629_102601 20140629_102616 20140704_152431 20140709_152935 20140709_162048

DSC08392 DSC08412


But you know what? That one of the Boy in the swing is a little off. Let me just tweak it a tiny bit with Photoshop aaaaand…


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Johnny Worthen Gets a Job Interview

eleanor-blog tour-banner

As part of the blog tour for Eleanor the Unseen, Book 1, I recently had the chance to interview author-chum Johnny Worthen for a possible position in an organization I can’t really say much about. Here is a transcript of that discussion:


BK: Howdy, Johnny! I just wanna say, it’s nice talking with you again. I wish it was under friendlier circumstances. Seems like there’s never time to just chat, you know?

JW: It’s good have a chance to catch up. The shackles are surprisingly warm today.

BK: This job, man. It’s not that I don’t like the work or believe in the organization’s agenda. It’s just tiring that I get to talk to interesting people, but only about official stuff. And then I can’t fraternize with the interviewees during the evaluation period! It is what it is, I guess. Well, let’s get on with the questions, shall we?

JW: A swinging pendulum blade pauses for no man. Proceed.

BK: Are you now – or have you ever been – a member of an international crime syndicate whose stated goals include world domination and/or enslavement?

JW: Stated goals? No.

BK: If given a powerful, hand-held death ray, what would you do with it?

JW: Form a crime syndicate whose stated goals include world domination and/or enslavement.

BK: If asked to perform overseas operations, which country would you prefer to rampage through? Second part – sorry, it’s a two-parter – which country would you prefer to stay away from?

JW: Denmark would be okay for a rampage. They could use a good rampage. Japan not so much. They’re used to it.

BK: If accepted into the organization, you may be required to undergo extensive biological reconfiguration. Are there any features – like gills or lizard feet – you’d like to have added to your body?

JW: Wings. Definitely wings.

BK: What role do you see for yourself in field operations? Sniper, infantry, air assault, extraction team… the list goes on and on. Your preferred method of combat would dictate which type of bionic enhancement you may receive upon advancement in the ranks.

JW: Strategic bombing and literary criticism.

BK: Does the prospect of opening a portal to Hell excite you, bore you, frighten you, or other? Why?

JW: Most of heroes are down there, so it’d be cool to have a portal. Possessions are so tiring.

BK: Sorry, the questions get a little strange from here, bordering on silly. I don’t know why they want to know these things, but they do. Sorry. Which cartoon character do you most identify with?

JW: Totoro.

BK: If attacked by gnomes at this very second, what would you use to fight them off?

JW: Sarcasm.

BK: If our organization’s dark leader demanded you throw yourself into a volcano, what would you wear? What music would you like playing as you climbed the side of the volcano?

JW: Tie-dye and sandals, Greatful Dead, Fire on the Mountain. What else?

BK: How would you feel about working closely with a resurrected former lead singer of a band with the word “Grateful” in their name?

JW: Hell yeah! I miss Jerry!

BK: Uh, I mean… I didn’t say it was Jerry Garcia! I never said that!

JW: But… Ah, come on… Jerry…

BK: How many push-ups can you do?

JW: 500. Not in a row though. Not even.

BK: Just kidding! The real question is, how many push-ups can you force a foreign diplomat to do using nothing more than simple torture?

JW: As many as I want.

BK: If aliens are real, and they obey creatures from realms below, what arts and crafts would you create to honor them?

JW: Interpretive dance and macramé.

BK: Almost done, just bear with me here.

JW: I know these answers are going to haunt my writing career forever. Plus now the aliens have insight into my macramé plans.

BK: How does one summon the blood squirrels?

JW: Blood nuts.

BK: Have you completed any evil projects recently that the Applicant Acceptance and Disposal Unit should know about?

JW: I started an organic free-range scorpion farm in my unfenced back yard. The neighbors threatened to complain, but I haven’t see or heard from them in weeks. Oh, and I wrote a book. ELEANOR, THE UNSEEN.

Eleanor Cover


BK: Where can the AADU research your background and activities on the internet?

JW: The usual places.
My website
Barnes & Noble

BK: Thanks for taking the time, Johnny! I think this went really well. One way or another, you’ll be hearing from the AADU real soon. Lastly of all, here’s one last thing:

a Rafflecopter giveaway


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Friday the 13th Chuggie Giveaway

(Sign up from June 13 – June 23, 2014)

Happy Friday the 13th, chums! Tomorrow is the anniversary of Chuggie and the Bleeding Gateways’ release date, and so I’m going to give some books away. How does that sound?


Chuggie and the Bleeding Gateways is my second novel, published on June 14, 2013. It follows Chuggie on his continuing adventures right after the Desecration of Stagwater. Steel Jacks are after him, children are lost, volkani are lurking, and Chuggie’s bone dagger seems to have strange powers. When we released this book, I decided to send half of my royalties to the American Cancer Society for one year. Since then, I’ve decided not to limit it to one year and not to limit it to the royalties from this book. I plan to continue sending half of my total author royalties to the American Cancer Society for the foreseeable future, so any copy of any of my books that you buy helps fight cancer. Sooooo… you know… ahem…

Chuggie #1I will give a signed set to one lucky winner. They’ll receive Chuggie and the Desecration of Stagwater, Chuggie and the Bleeding Gateways, and Chuggie and the Fish Freaks of Farheath, all signed and polished and ready for reading. Others may receive consolation prizes, which will depend entirely upon how generous I feel on the day of the drawing.


I was trying to think of a way to do this so that anyone could enter. If I do it on Facebook, a lot of people will sign up, but then you have to have a Facebook account to play. Well, I know some delightful people who don’t want a Facebook account, but they’d love some Chuggie. Same for Twitter, Goodreads, Google+, and so on. I wanted to do something more inclusive. I decided to try it out on my website, which doesn’t see nearly the traffic of the others. As such, I would be ELATED if you helped spread the word! Go ahead. Take a moment to share this page with everyone you know. I can wait until you get back.

I’m going to choose a winner at random from the comments on this very post. To sign up to win, simply leave a comment. Any comment. Preferably something nice, y’know? You could tell me what you like about Chuggie. If you haven’t read Chuggie, you could ask a question about Chuggie. You could tell me my hair smells nice. You could say something spooky. You could tell me how awesome you are. And so forth.

Contest rules: As most of my money is tied up in an auction for a non-working Batmobile replica, I’m afraid I have to limit the contest to the United States. In the future, I imagine my non-working Batmobile replica will be quite the money maker, and I’ll be able to expand the contest to worldwide. One winner will be chosen at random. Other winners may be selected randomly to recieve consolation prizes, but if I’m in a bad mood that day maybe not. Winner(s?) will be notified by email. They’ll have 3 days to accept their prize before I’ll move on and randomly select a new winner. The contest will run for 10 days, so you have until June 23 to sign up. I reserve the right to alter the rules of this contest at any time or cancel it altogether (if I become enraged). There will also be a way to sign up on Facebook for folks who don’t have the energy to come all the way here from there. (It’s a long ways!)

I suppose if you don’t want to leave a comment, you could sign up by messaging me with this handy Contact Form.

Lastly, a Chuggie update:

Chuggie and the Prisoner Gods is coming along smashingly. Literally smashingly. It immediately follows the events of Chuggie and the Bleeding Gateways. Plenty of monsters and adventure and magic and mayhem. Some swearing. Some steaminess. It’s right on track for a September release (I think!), so all you gotta do is hang on a little longer. It’s going to feature some astonishing artwork from David Francis Starr. I swear, every time he sends me new artwork to look at my head literally figuratively metaphorically explodes. Yours will too when you get your copy of Chuggie and the Prisoner Gods… in September when we release it.

And after Prisoner Gods, I plan to do some more short Chuggie tales. Yes, Chuggie’s shorts will be enjoyed by all. You’ll be walking around with Chuggie’s shorts in your hand, and strangers will ask, “My word, what’s that you’re carrying?” You’ll smirk and reply, “Why, these are some of Chuggie’s shorts, friend!” They’ll ask, “How could I get my own hands on Chuggie’s shorts?” To which you’ll reply, “Ask the internet, dummy!” and then you’ll stomp away. That will be very rude of you, but you will be having a rough day because all you want to do is sit down and enjoy Chuggie’s shorts, but strangers keep bothering you.


Posted in Chuggie Rules, Writing | 16 Comments

Two Year Old Goes On Tank Rampage

Two Year Old Goes On Tank Rampage,
Razes Small Town

TOMAHAWK, WI – On May 3rd, Tomahawk residents were terrorized by a local two-year-old boy when the toddler mounted the tank at Memorial Park and began a rampage that left the city in ruins.

Moments before the tank rampage.

Moments before the tank rampage.

“Nobody knew that tank was operational,” said a local man. “It’s been sitting there for decades with that giant gun pointing at passing traffic. If we knew, I think we would’ve done [something] different.”

The toddler who drove the tank has been identified only as “J.O. Kelley” by local law enforcement officials. Witnesses on the scene said the child posed for photos atop the tank just moments before shoving his father to the ground and entering the machine.

“Once he closed that hatch, there wasn’t no way to get him out. Them tanks… That’s how they made them [for],” said VFW Vice Treasurer Lloyd Goobler.

The tank rolled through downtown Tomahawk blasting businesses and crushing cars for five hours on Saturday before the child grew bored and fell asleep. After a forty minute nap, the child awoke and continue leveling the town for an additional three and a half hours. Property damages are still being assessed, but some early estimates put the damage costs in the trillions. Can that be right? Trillions?  No way, guys. Come on, we have a serious job to do. I saw that! You know what, Eddie? You’re done. Turn in your badge and your gun. Blake, would you take Eddie to Interrogation Room 6 and wait for me? I’ll be down to conduct his “exit interview” as soon as I’m done with this article. Yes, break his hands.

After the rampage, the sleepy toddler emerged from the tank covered in soot and grinning contentedly. His parents collected him and drove him from the scene after struggling him into a car seat very much against his will. No arrests have been made. Police and federal officials are on the lookout for this boy:


Officials also note the suspect may be armed and should be considered extremely dangerous. He is not to be approached unless you have peanut butter M&Ms.

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