Stout and Chuggie

So recently I’ve been in contact with a lovely young lady from UW-Stout named Barbara. She works for the Stoutonia (Stout’s student newspaper), and she wanted to talk to me about these books I’ve been writing. I’m told that soon – perhaps even today – there could be a feature on me in hallowed pages of Stoutonia. I think that’s pretty neat. It’s got me feeling nostalgic, so I’m compelled by dark forces beyond my comprehension to post about Stout today.

I graduated from my dear old Bruce Public High School in 1997, and then I went to Stout. There, that’s my whole story. That didn’t take long. I’m a master storyteller, after all. Like a ninja with a typewriter, except that my typewriter is a laptop, and my katana is forged not of metal but the bones of a hundred demons.

But in case that wasn’t enough, I’ll go on to say that I never really thought much about going to another college. My brother – two years older – was already going there. In my visits to the campus, I was in love. I loved the town of Menomonie so much, I decided to extend my college experience by many semesters. And my instructors must have loved me, because they also wanted me to stay those semesters. In 2004, Stout and I waved a sad farewell to each other. I had a degree in Industrial Design, and it was time spread my wings.

While I was at Stout, a painting instructor told tales of her muse. I wanted a muse of my own, so I beseeched the cosmos to send me one. I was hoping for a female muse, preferably one who liked to wear skimpy clothes. The muse I got was an ancient, drunken man called Chuggie. He was a little surly, and he liked to tell colorful, profanity-filled stories. Some of his stories seemed like they’d been exaggerated, but they were good for a chuckle. I’d just discovered the music of Tom Waits, and it’s possible that had something to do with the whole situation. Monsters, madness, babes, blood, and booze. That’s Chuggie.

At Stout, I spent my first year living in 390 Oetting Hall with my pal Justin. We grew up together, and I was happy indeed when I first learned we’d both be going to Stout. We roomed together freshman year, then I moved off campus to 1704 South Broadway #1. He spent another year in the dorms, then he moved into 1704 with me, Lee, Roth, and Dan. Two Packer fans living with three Viking fans.

I delivered pizza for Little Caesar’s for a while. Worked at Dairy Queen some. Swiss Miss, Phillips Plastics, Badger Iron Works. Good times.

Ah, the stories I could tell but shouldn’t! Like the thing with the dartboard, or the five noteworthy stories from just that one Homecoming. So much tradition! While George R.R. Martin has House Stark, House Lannister, House Targaryen, and so on, Stout had her own Great Houses. Why, there were Lambda-Lambda-Lambda, the One-Eyed Turtle, Hoochie Hut, the Projects, and so many others to list them all would drive us both INSANE. And to my knowledge they haven’t existed for 10 to 15 years, so I don’t think I’ve just incriminated anyone…

Here’s some arts I made while I attended my glorious alma mater:

The Internal Derangement of Dr. Michael Goodnature

EFS Scarecrow

Octopus Mixer

Senior Project – Active Play

 

Some of the chums I went to Stout with are getting nice an’ successful with their degrees in Construction Management, Applied Math, Industrial Design, Graphic Design, Art Education, Hospitality & Tourism, Elementary Education, and so on. I forget where I was going with this, but yeah. Success stories. Awesome folks doing awesome things. Stuff.

I miss Stout. I haven’t been down to visit in a couple years, but maybe we should change that soon. Perhaps it’s time for a Chuggie reading at Stout. I would totally emerge from the forest for that. Bring some books, even. Maybe I’ll get fellow Stout grad David F. Starr to come along. He’s the guy responsible for the kickass art that dwells inside my new book Chuggie and the Prisoner Gods. Go check him out.

If you’re a Stout student or faculty member, I’d love to hear from you. Get the ol’ Menomonie update and stuff. You can comment below, or use my nifty Contact Thingy. Go Blue Devils.

 

Posted in Art, Chuggie Rules | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chuggie and the Prisoner Gods

Chuggie is the MAN! Brent Michael Kelley, you are a demon writer! When’s the next one?” – New York Times Best Selling Author Nancy Holder, author of The Wicked Saga and twenty Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel projects.

-ermahgerd cherggers

 

Congratulations! YOU are now able to purchase Chuggie and the Prisoner Gods! This is a HUGE day for you!

Chuggie and the Prisoner Gods (official release date October 2) are upon us like a pack of banana-starved monkeys on the golden sands of Monkey Beach!

BUY. BUY. BUY.

Chuggie3WS

 

And if this is your kinda thing, chances are you know somebody else whose kinda thing is also this. I’d be awfully dern grateful if you shared this with your pals!

In case you missed it, here’s the synopsis:

Strange winds have blown Norchug Mot Losiat, better known as Chuggie, to a world called Glughu. It is a realm of blood and bone where tar pumps like blood, where blood pours like wine, and where wine flows like booze. With the injured blade cultist Fey Voletta at his side – as well as a painted woman named Araza – Chuggie crosses a tar-filled wilderness to reach the city of An Croi. It’s a city filled with fanatical killers in the service of a bloodthirsty master who has conquered and imprisoned the old gods. A secret battle threatens to draw Chuggie in, but all our drunken hero wants is to get home to Mag Mell. The only way home is through a bleeding gateway, and to open one Chuggie will have to pay a heavy toll. Will Chuggie get home in time to prevent a war? What will he have to do to get there? How will he carry all that booze?

Posted in Art, Chuggie Rules, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

One Week To Chuggie

Greetings, Amigos! As you may or may not know, Chuggie and the Prisoner Gods will be released one week from today. That’s Thursday, October 2nd. It’s not only the birthday of Groucho Marx and Bud Gaugh, it’s also the birthday of my cousin Tim Bays, to whom this book is dedicated. Let’s have a look at the cover:

Chuggie3WS

SYNOPSIS!!!

Strange winds have blown Norchug Mot Losiat, better known as Chuggie, to a world called Glughu. It is a realm of blood and bone where tar pumps like blood, where blood pours like wine, and where wine flows like booze. With the injured blade cultist Fey Voletta at his side – as well as a painted woman named Araza – Chuggie crosses a tar-filled wilderness to reach the city of An Croi. It’s a city filled with fanatical killers in the service of a bloodthirsty master who has conquered and imprisoned the old gods. A secret battle threatens to draw Chuggie in, but all our drunken hero wants is to get home to Mag Mell. The only way home is through a bleeding gateway, and to open one Chuggie will have to pay a heavy toll. Will Chuggie get home in time to prevent a war? What will he have to do to get there? How will he carry all that booze?

Wow, that was an amazing synopsis. I don’t know about you, but I sure can’t wait to read it! I should mention that there’s art inside this book. WONDERFUL art by a fellow named David Starr. Here, have a taste of illustration:

2Chuggie_Squip

 

That’s Squip. Squip is a character in the book who you will totally root for. And you’ll be able to root for her soon indeed. October 2nd, chum. Mark it on your calendar. Stay tuned for giveaways and such coming up next week.

Posted in Art, Chuggie Rules, Puppet shows, Writing | Leave a comment

Release of Chuggie and the Prisoner Gods

NOTICE: Chuggie and the Prisoner Gods has a scheduled release date of October 2, 2014. More on the significance of this date coming soon.

Also coming soon: the Book Cover!

Here’s a picture of some people in a tube.

DSC08505

 

Posted in Chuggie Rules, Family | Leave a comment

Some Stuff While You Wait

Update: Chuggie and the Prisoner Gods is being edited as we speak. Well, as YOU speak. Me, I’m editing.

While you wait for big announcements and such, here are some fancy pictures I took recently:

Here’s a fire I had a week or so ago. I see a fire skull in there.

flameskullAnd here’s a frog that was with me at the fire:

20140712_233615 Here are some baby birds who have been plotting to kill me:20140716_083632 Here’s a deer that came up and watched me use the table saw the other day. 20140716_132333

Here’s the sky or something:
20140720_101529

 

Not good enough? How about THESE!

20140629_102601 20140629_102616 20140704_152431 20140709_152935 20140709_162048

DSC08392 DSC08412

 

But you know what? That one of the Boy in the swing is a little off. Let me just tweak it a tiny bit with Photoshop aaaaand…

JordyKnifeboy

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Johnny Worthen Gets a Job Interview

eleanor-blog tour-banner

As part of the blog tour for Eleanor the Unseen, Book 1, I recently had the chance to interview author-chum Johnny Worthen for a possible position in an organization I can’t really say much about. Here is a transcript of that discussion:

JohnnyWorthen

BK: Howdy, Johnny! I just wanna say, it’s nice talking with you again. I wish it was under friendlier circumstances. Seems like there’s never time to just chat, you know?

JW: It’s good have a chance to catch up. The shackles are surprisingly warm today.

BK: This job, man. It’s not that I don’t like the work or believe in the organization’s agenda. It’s just tiring that I get to talk to interesting people, but only about official stuff. And then I can’t fraternize with the interviewees during the evaluation period! It is what it is, I guess. Well, let’s get on with the questions, shall we?

JW: A swinging pendulum blade pauses for no man. Proceed.

BK: Are you now – or have you ever been – a member of an international crime syndicate whose stated goals include world domination and/or enslavement?

JW: Stated goals? No.

BK: If given a powerful, hand-held death ray, what would you do with it?

JW: Form a crime syndicate whose stated goals include world domination and/or enslavement.

BK: If asked to perform overseas operations, which country would you prefer to rampage through? Second part – sorry, it’s a two-parter – which country would you prefer to stay away from?

JW: Denmark would be okay for a rampage. They could use a good rampage. Japan not so much. They’re used to it.

BK: If accepted into the organization, you may be required to undergo extensive biological reconfiguration. Are there any features – like gills or lizard feet – you’d like to have added to your body?

JW: Wings. Definitely wings.

BK: What role do you see for yourself in field operations? Sniper, infantry, air assault, extraction team… the list goes on and on. Your preferred method of combat would dictate which type of bionic enhancement you may receive upon advancement in the ranks.

JW: Strategic bombing and literary criticism.

BK: Does the prospect of opening a portal to Hell excite you, bore you, frighten you, or other? Why?

JW: Most of heroes are down there, so it’d be cool to have a portal. Possessions are so tiring.

BK: Sorry, the questions get a little strange from here, bordering on silly. I don’t know why they want to know these things, but they do. Sorry. Which cartoon character do you most identify with?

JW: Totoro.

BK: If attacked by gnomes at this very second, what would you use to fight them off?

JW: Sarcasm.

BK: If our organization’s dark leader demanded you throw yourself into a volcano, what would you wear? What music would you like playing as you climbed the side of the volcano?

JW: Tie-dye and sandals, Greatful Dead, Fire on the Mountain. What else?

BK: How would you feel about working closely with a resurrected former lead singer of a band with the word “Grateful” in their name?

JW: Hell yeah! I miss Jerry!

BK: Uh, I mean… I didn’t say it was Jerry Garcia! I never said that!

JW: But… Ah, come on… Jerry…

BK: How many push-ups can you do?

JW: 500. Not in a row though. Not even.

BK: Just kidding! The real question is, how many push-ups can you force a foreign diplomat to do using nothing more than simple torture?

JW: As many as I want.

BK: If aliens are real, and they obey creatures from realms below, what arts and crafts would you create to honor them?

JW: Interpretive dance and macramé.

BK: Almost done, just bear with me here.

JW: I know these answers are going to haunt my writing career forever. Plus now the aliens have insight into my macramé plans.

BK: How does one summon the blood squirrels?

JW: Blood nuts.

BK: Have you completed any evil projects recently that the Applicant Acceptance and Disposal Unit should know about?

JW: I started an organic free-range scorpion farm in my unfenced back yard. The neighbors threatened to complain, but I haven’t see or heard from them in weeks. Oh, and I wrote a book. ELEANOR, THE UNSEEN.

Eleanor Cover

 

BK: Where can the AADU research your background and activities on the internet?

JW: The usual places.
My website
Facebook
Goodreads
Twitter
Amazon
Barnes & Noble

BK: Thanks for taking the time, Johnny! I think this went really well. One way or another, you’ll be hearing from the AADU real soon. Lastly of all, here’s one last thing:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 

Posted in Writing | Leave a comment